38 weeks 5 days (as of TUESDAY) Doctor Appointment

Blood pressure was 108/61 which is slightly higher than it has been for the past month. Weight went down to 211 1/2, which is 5 1/2 lbs. less than last week. I wonder if this means labor is coming soon? Last Tuesday I was told I was "changing and getting ready, dilating and effacing", Saturday when we went to L&D because I thought I was leaking fluids I was told that I'm 1-2 cm dilated. Yesterday I was told that I'm at 2 cm. I don't have much further to go before I'm actually IN labor, but this is the longest part. It could take hours, days, even WEEKS to go from 2-3.


EVICTION NOTICE HAS BEEN SERVED: BAILEY ISABELLA CHAMBERLIN, you have no choice but to vacate the premises. There's more room OUT than IN, and you're hurting me where you are. I have a nice comfy crib, playpen, bassinet, swing, and carseat for you to explore, now GET OUT HERE!

TOBP!!

I've had enough!! Yes, even the title of this entry is "TOBP!!" (Tired of being pregnant!!) I can no longer sleep through the night, my back hurts and my hip aches so bad sometimes I can't even move it. My stomach is never going to heal properly unless she comes out, and my patience has grown so thin that I can't bare to be alone anymore for fear of doing something stupid. Not to mention I'm scared to death at the sheer size of this child, and I do not want to be alone when I finally go into labor.

I hate to admit it, but there are some days I'm so frustrated and so depressed, that even knowing that it's all going to be worth it in just a few short days ISN'T HELPING. Neither is the fact that my friends and family who were all chomping at the bit to tell me how I can "help" labor are now telling me "Good things come to those who wait". Guess what, I waited PAST my time with Skyler. Waiting doesn't help anything. Can't I ever have anything "normal" or "how it's supposed to be" even once?

My mood swings are getting so unbearable that I'm having a hard time keeping them to myself. You say I shouldn't hide them, that it's not healthy, but it's safer if I keep them hidden. Otherwise I'd probably be in jail for assault. (Everything is fine with me and Ross and Skyler, but there are a few people on my "Shit List".) I mean it took my Aunt Dawn coming from Jersey to get my mother to call me and come visit us. Seriously? Should it have taken that much? I'll probably never get the car seat/ stroller combo that she promised me for Bailey. Right now I'm borrowing a car seat from Valerie. Atleast I can now tolerate Valerie. To a point. Only because she's actually been quite helpful when she didn't have to be. But she's not able to lie to me without being caught, and she's unable to "back out" of anything she says she's going to do for us/with us because she needs us too. (Long story, I may delve into that after Bailey comes.)

Anyway, I just needed a place to rant and rave today. I'm sorry that's all I'm here for, and that there's not much else to report, but that's how I feel about life these days. SSDD and all that.

Quotes to Tell My Children

"No one else will ever know the strength of my love for you. After all, you're the only one who knows what my heart sounds like from the inside." ~ author unknown

Bailey's Movements

Warning!! Belly movements in this video may make some people squeamish! (and PLEASE ignore the hideous belly button!!) I wanted to show how forcefully Ms. Bailey moves around inside of my stomach, for those of my friends and family who could not be here to see her or feel her. Thanks for watching!!

Ms. Bailey is on her way!

Had another successful doctor's appointment yesterday, 10-18-2011. I was informed that I have gained another 6 1/4 pounds, bringing the total gained so far up to 34 pounds. My blood pressure continues to be "really good" according to the nurse, at 100/56. Bailey measures at 38 weeks, which would be three days ahead as of yesterday, being that I was only 37 weeks 4 days. Which is fine by me. I am not worried at all about her like I was with Skyler, who was having trouble getting bigger. On a really good note, I have started dilating and effacing, meaning Bailey is getting my cervix ready for delivery. I'm a little scared, but I'm coming to terms with it, because I keep making myself think about how wonderful it's going to be to hold her in my arms. Ross seems to be getting excited as well, even though we're not exactly prepared for her financially. But, the main thing we need for her is diapers and wipes, we have just about everything else.

I CAN'T WAIT TO MEET HER!

Bringing Home My Baby Bumble Bee

That's right. Bumble Bee. I always said I would never give my children a nickname I couldn't stand. Bailey, however, has become known as Bumble Bee. Why? Her Nana gave us a onesie for her that's really more like a costume, and it's a bee. And, because the more I pay attention to the pokes and jabs I feel from her, she really does feel like a bee sometimes.

There are 21 days left until my due date. I'm scared SHITLESS. I keep having the feeling that either Bailey or I will not make it through this delivery. Might be because it's October, and everyone seems hell bent on reminding me that 1 in 4 babies don't make it home. I know this. I've lost more than my heart can handle. I don't think I'd survive the loss of another child, but I know that no matter what, I have to. No choices. I have to survive for Skyler. I have to be here for Ross.

Skyler's 6th birthday is tomorrow. October 14th. I'm praying to God that I don't go into labor this weekend, as it will probably be the last weekend that Skyler has me to herself. We planned a birthday party at McDonalds for her on Saturday. Afterwards, we're probably going to be taking Skyler shopping so that she can spend her birthday money.

After this weekend, I wouldn't care if I went into labor Sunday morning. Skyler would have had her birthday by then, and we wouldn't have to cancel it, or reschedule it, and she wouldn't already have issues with the baby because of something she couldn't understand. I am hoping, as all mothers do, that my labor goes swiftly and safely. I want my baby to be born alive, and healthy. I want to bring her home. I want to feel her weight and warmth in my arms. My body is tired. I understand this. I believe I have been trying to do everything I can to prepare myself emotionally and physically for this delivery. I know it's going to hurt like hell, but it will be worth it, so very worth the pain, blood and tears when I get to hold my sweet baby Bailey.

Before I Was A Mom

BEFORE I WAS A MOM:

Author Unknown

Before I was a Mom
I made and ate hot meals.
I had unstained clothing.
I had quiet conversations on the phone.

Before I was a Mom,
I slept as late as I wanted
And never worried about how late I got into bed.
I brushed my hair and my teeth everyday.

Before I was Mom
I cleaned my house each day.
I never tripped over toys or forgot words of lullabies.

Before I was a Mom
I didn't worry whether or not my plants were poisonous.
I never thought about immunizations.

Before I was a Mom
I had never been puked on
Pooped on
Spit on
Chewed on
Peed on
Or pinched by tiny fingers

Before I was a Mom
I had complete control of:
My thoughts
My body
And my mind.
I slept all night.

Before I was a Mom
I never held down a screaming child
So that doctors could do tests
Or give shots.
I never looked into teary eyes and cried.
I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin.
I never sat up late hours at night watching a baby sleep.

Before I was a Mom
I never held a sleeping baby just because I didn't want to put it down.
I never felt my heart break into a million pieces
When I couldn't stop the hurt.
I never knew that something so small
Could affect my life so much.
I never knew that I could love someone so much.
I never knew I would love being a Mom.

Before I was a Mom
I didn't know the feeling of having my heart outside my body.
I didn't know how special it could feel to feed a hungry baby.
I didn't know that bond between a Mother and her child.
I didn't know that something so small
Could make me feel so important.

Before I was a Mom
I had never gotten up in the middle of the night every 10 minutes to make sure all was okay
I had never known the warmth
The joy
The love
The heartache
The wonder
Or the satisfaction of being a Mom.

I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much before I was a Mom.