Pretty Good Day...

Got to my ultrasound appointment via Marcus, on time. Had to wait at the office though, they were running behind. Not a big deal though, my ultrasound was FREE!! (I love Pregnancy Resources!) Finally got called back about an hour later, and went straight to the ultrasound room, where Ms. Leslie quickly got me through the paperwork, and up onto the table. We did an abdominal ultrasound, and Baby looked kind of like a blob, but definitely BIGGER than the ultrasound done at the Health Department last week. :) Then she switched to the transvaginal ultrasound, and was able to get clear measurements of the baby. I saw my baby move, wave, hiccup, and dance. It was amazing. Then she had Skyler come back into the room, and we looked at the baby together. Ms. Leslie was even kind enough to "personalize" one of the ultrasound pictures for Skyler, with her own private message from the baby. I got 5 pictures of my baby, better than the ONE I got from the health department of just the baby's head, or butt, or whatever that was...

Anyway, I'm feeling pretty good right now, especially knowing my baby's heartbeat is a perfect 170 B/M.

More to write later, I've got homework to do for baby bucks!

Baby Crazy Slideshow

Bad Day...

Had my first big disagreement with Ross earlier this evening. Honestly, it started this afternoon when I was shopping with mom. He called, I told him I couldn't talk, (I just wanted to get the heck out of the store.) told him our usual "I love you, bye", and hung up. Went home, cooked dinner, ate, I called him. He said "I'm at the hospital, I can't talk." (Not a good thing to say, without explanation.) HOURS later, I call him and find out he's at his buddy's house again. Never bothered to tell me what was going on at the hospital, no excuse as to why he didn't call back, just "I'm at David's, I can't talk." (Not a good thing to tell me either, especially after telling me "I'm at the hospital, I can't talk.") So I hang up on him. Sent him a text that said "I'm glad you're having a baby with David. I'm glad he's more important than me. Don't call, I won't answer." (Which means give me time to cool off and I'll call back or text when I calm down.) What does he do?? CALLS immediately. Calls REPETITIVELY. CONTINUOUSLY. My phone had 7 missed calls from him before I finally decided to answer. But not before I had received a voicemail about how I was playing STUPID games. Stupid??? I'M HAVING YOUR BABY, AND THE THING YOU WANT TO DO MOST IS SPEND TIME WITH DAVID!!! Did you think MAYBE I'm feeling a little left out? Tired of not getting to see you even HALF as much as DAVID does? Maybe I need your attention MORE than DAVID does.

I see that I went from VENTING to RANTING at him like he's here, so I'm going to take that as my cue to quit.

I hope to God he keeps his promises to start sending me money, or he's not going to like the way things turn out.

April Fool's Day

So, we survived our first April Fool's Day. I was afraid I was going to "wake up" and find my body had been playing a very nasty trick on me. But everything is fine. I'm still pregnant.

I did, however, get to play my first April Fool's prank on Ross. I waited 'til he was supposed to meet up with someone, and I sent a text and asked if he was going to get the money he was given, and when he said "yes", I replied "Ok, good, because I had to go to the hospital earlier. They had to do another ultrasound. We're having twins."

His reaction was nothing but blank messages. He forgot it was April Fool's Day. He thought I was serious.

I sent another text that said "I'm not getting anything but blank messages, so I'll just go ahead and say... APRIL FOOL'S!!"

He immediately called me laughing, and calling me an ass. He thought it was the best played April Fool's prank that anyone had ever gotten him with. He's proud of me.

I wonder what I can come up with next year??

Baby Crazy Slideshow

My Angels

I mentioned earlier that I have been pregnant (now) 8 times. Seeing as how I have a 5 yr old daughter, and I'm still (yay!) pregnant now, that would mean I've had 6 miscarriages. Yes, 6. You might ask, "You're only 27, how could you possibly have had 6 miscarriages?" Well, I'll tell you. They were not close together, some of them were actually quite spaced out from the others. And as judgemental as you might get about me, my first was when I was 15. I got "knocked up" by the guy that I thought hung the moon. I was in middle school. Still getting used to the fact that I bled from "there" once a month for 8 days. (Even though it had been happening every month for 2 years by then.) Major mistake. But I was going to own up to it. I was going to have my baby, raise it, and take care of it. That's what we do in my family. We learn from our mistakes, and we do what we can to make things right. Abortion gets you a LOT of family trouble, if it's not medically necessary, and adoption is out of the question as well. We care for our own. However, a dispute between me and another person led to me being shoved into the bathroom sink lower abdomen first, followed by the fall afterwards, caused me to miscarry. The second miscarriage I had, I was 19. I was actually trying to get pregnant. The father of this Angel was hoping I would become pregnant as well. But, at this point in time, there was a lot going on, stress levels were high, we were fighting our families and friends to stay together, one thing led to another, and we lost our baby. The third time I got pregnant, I was 21. I carried this one full term. She's my Monster as I lovingly call her, my 5 year old daughter Skyler. How I managed to keep this one, only God can tell you. I went through some pretty wicked shit carrying her, including a kick to the lower abdomen by a martial artist. Yep, you heard me. "Daddy" freaked out when I told him I was pregnant, and he tried to "fix" the problem by kicking me in the stomach so I'd lose this baby too. Thankfully, she's as stubborn as I am. I know I will regret that stubbornness in later years, but for surviving that, I'm thankful. She was born October 14th, at 1:28 PM, weighing in a tiny 6lbs, 19inches. Doctor looked at me and asked where the rest of her was. I had a short labor, lasting 5 hours. I was induced, but my water broke on it's own, in the delivery room. My mother and my sister were in the delivery room with me, watching my daughter make her grand entrance into this world, hair first, of course. She was born with a full head of dark hair, that was about 2 inches long. I tried to save some of it as it fell out, but wound up losing the bag it was in along with a good portion of other "newborn" things during a move. The fourth time I was pregnant, I lost that baby 06/09/06, due to falling off the porch trying to go outside during a thunderstorm and put our dog back in her dog house. Needless to say, when I fell off the porch, I was holding the dog, and not only miscarried, but fractured all my ribs on my right side. That Angel I called my Miracle Baby, due to the near impossibility of his father's ability to conceive, due to him being born with his testicles still in his stomach. Like I said, Miracle Baby. My next angel was lost 17months later, in November of '07. I don't know why I lost that one. It didn't make any sense to me, the Angels father, or the doctors. The most recent two angels are the hardest to talk about for me. I lost one on 2-21-2009, the day my (at the time) fiancee (baby's father) told me he was leaving me, and the second 08-24-10, shortly after we decided to try a relationship again. He never knew about the first baby. I never told him, until we met up again in '10. I didn't feel he deserved to know about the baby, and then due to all the stress, and the unstable condition I was in, and losing my fiancee to another woman, and everything else that was happening, I lost it. That one affected me the worst. Even more than the father of my first Angel getting on his knees in front of me as I'm on the ground crying, and asking me if I was sure the baby was his. The second angel I lost to him, he knew about. He was the one that suspected I was pregnant, long before I did. He was right. We have no idea why I lost that one either. But I did. And we cried together. This is the story of my children. I love them all, and I will, forever more. I miss them more than anyone will ever know, but I'm just supposed to "suck it up, and get over it."

Meant To Be

This blog was meant to be about a lot of things. About my indiscretions, about the lessons I have learned from them, about events in my past and how they made me who I am today. But, as we all know, things change.


I've been called by a lot of names. Bitch, whore, slut, loser, nerd, friend, sister, daughter, mother, maid, slave, liar, shit-talker, bestie, christian, wimp, nobody... some true, some not. 


I have once again earned a name.... It's the same as one I've had before, but now two voices will call it, instead of one... That name, is Mother.


I've decided to use this blog as a pregnancy tracker blog. Keep a record of my appointments and other doings, my thoughts, my accomplishments, and so on.


I found out March 10th that I am pregnant. I'm carrying what will be my second child, but my 8th pregnancy. I'm worried, I'm scared. I'm anxious, I'm excited. I'm celebrating, yet I feel like the only one. I'm ready for this. No, not financially, but it's something I've wanted for a long, long time. Three years or so. No one thinks I can handle it. To an extent, I agree. But then again, in my defense, no one knows what I can handle, except me. No one was there when I lost my children, I was just supposed to "suck it up, and get over it." Not good advice. At all. Quite possibly the most suicide-causing thing to say to a BLM. (Baby Loss Mother) I take that back. There was ONE time I had someone with me when I lost ONE of my children. It was the child's father. But it wasn't long before he started with the "get over it" as well. Turned a beautiful thing ugly. Not that two grieving parents can be considered a beautiful thing, but the fact that he was there, holding me, crying along with me, over our child, meant a lot to me. It was a beautiful thing, to me.


So back to where I was... March 10th was the day I found out I am pregnant. I took a home test, and followed up with a test from Pregnancy Resources. Both tests very quickly, very clearly showed I am pregnant. I still have both tests, and the paperwork Pregnancy Resources gave me. They originally set my due date at November 10th, due to the inaccurate date of my LMP. I couldn't find where I had written/typed what that date actually was. So I said 2-3-11. I was only off a few days. According to my scheduler, it was 1-31-11. Which would make my due date 11-7-11. However, I had my first prenatal check up 3-28-11. I was seen by a Physician's Assistant. She did bloodwork, and an ultrasound, as well as a pelvic exam, and told me something I had been contemplating for a while now... I'm farther along. My due date will be changed again, but we're not exactly sure to when. The ultrasound she did came with a warning. She said "I'm not a sonographer, so I'm just going to let you take a quick look." Well, I'm not a sonographer either, but I do have some experience with ultrasounds, due to the fact that I have witnessed friends and family's ultrasounds, and I've had a few myself. The baby I am carrying, is BIGGER than a 9 week fetus, in mine, and the Physician's Assistant's opinion.