Bringing Home My Baby Bumble Bee

That's right. Bumble Bee. I always said I would never give my children a nickname I couldn't stand. Bailey, however, has become known as Bumble Bee. Why? Her Nana gave us a onesie for her that's really more like a costume, and it's a bee. And, because the more I pay attention to the pokes and jabs I feel from her, she really does feel like a bee sometimes.

There are 21 days left until my due date. I'm scared SHITLESS. I keep having the feeling that either Bailey or I will not make it through this delivery. Might be because it's October, and everyone seems hell bent on reminding me that 1 in 4 babies don't make it home. I know this. I've lost more than my heart can handle. I don't think I'd survive the loss of another child, but I know that no matter what, I have to. No choices. I have to survive for Skyler. I have to be here for Ross.

Skyler's 6th birthday is tomorrow. October 14th. I'm praying to God that I don't go into labor this weekend, as it will probably be the last weekend that Skyler has me to herself. We planned a birthday party at McDonalds for her on Saturday. Afterwards, we're probably going to be taking Skyler shopping so that she can spend her birthday money.

After this weekend, I wouldn't care if I went into labor Sunday morning. Skyler would have had her birthday by then, and we wouldn't have to cancel it, or reschedule it, and she wouldn't already have issues with the baby because of something she couldn't understand. I am hoping, as all mothers do, that my labor goes swiftly and safely. I want my baby to be born alive, and healthy. I want to bring her home. I want to feel her weight and warmth in my arms. My body is tired. I understand this. I believe I have been trying to do everything I can to prepare myself emotionally and physically for this delivery. I know it's going to hurt like hell, but it will be worth it, so very worth the pain, blood and tears when I get to hold my sweet baby Bailey.